​By reading, glancing at, or accidentally brushing your eyeballs across these Terms and Conditions, you hereby agree to the following nonsense rules of the PokéRealm™:

 

1. DEFINITIONS

• “Trainer” refers to you, yes you, even if you insist you're actually a Snorlax.

• “Pokémon” refers to any creature capable of fitting inside a tiny ball despite clear violations of spatial physics.

• “The PokéRealm™” refers to this document, any place containing tall grass, and any location where the phrase “I choose you!” has ever been shouted.

 

2. ACCEPTANCE OF TERMS

By continuing to exist, the Trainer agrees to these Terms. If you do not agree, please immediately place your device gently on the ground and perform the Poké Flute Solo of Rejection.

 

3. GENERAL BEHAVIOR GUIDELINES

• Trainers must not attempt to store more than 48 sandwiches inside a Poké Ball.

• All battles must begin with a dramatic pose lasting at least 3 seconds.

• Trainers must shout attack names loudly, even if it provides no tactical advantage (which it won’t).

• Charizard is not obligated to listen to you. Ever.

 

4. CAPTURING RULES

• Attempting to capture a wild Pokémon requires consent unless the Pokémon is a Magikarp, in which case it legally cannot object.

• Using a Master Ball on a Pidgey is permitted but may result in silent judgment from nearby NPCs.

• All Poké Balls are required to be thrown with unnecessary flair.

 

5. LIABILITY

The PokéRealm™ is not responsible for:

• Spontaneous lightning storms caused by overexcited Pikachus.

• Burn marks, frostbite, psychic migraines, or unexpected singing from Jigglypuff.

• Sudden evolution triggered by eating spicy food.

 

6. INTERRUPTIONS TO SERVICE

Should a wild Pokémon appear when you least expect it (e.g., bathroom, Zoom meeting, existential crisis), the PokéRealm™ will not provide compensation for embarrassment or fainting.

 

7. TRADING POLICY

When trading Pokémon:

• Trades must be fair, unless you are trading with a small child, in which case you must pretend not to know the rarity of your shiny Rayquaza.

• Any Pokémon that smells weird must be disclosed upfront.

 

8. TERMINATION

Your Trainer Rights may be revoked if you:

• Call a Diglett “just a dirt snake.”

• Try to ride a Lapras on dry land.

• Attempt to feed a Voltorb a battery “just to see what happens.”​

 

9. GOVERNING LAW

These Terms are governed by the ancient and mysterious laws of the Elite Four, which are subject to change depending on how bored they are.​

 

10. CONTACT

If you have questions, please direct all inquiries to the nearest Slowpoke, who will respond in approximately 3–5 business years.